Friday, August 31, 2007 . 11:27 PM

There is quite afew of person know i just break off will my girlfriend.. through my msn nick, some close friend and family member. Alot of them give me their advice and their point of view, some say i should just give up as the impression she gave to me simply just to nagative.. i felt very hurt also, my heart is very very tired! People say i should just let go and dun persist anymore... deep down inside me, my heart say i still love her alot through she show no more interest in my attempt to patch. But i promise myself , i will give my last try..hope tomorrow i can pass her the thing. Then i shall wait for 1-2 days. If there no answer i shall simply just gave up~ my heart cant take anymore of this feeling! Since i had do what i can, i shall leave with no regret! Athought i cant gave her my cross stitch ,anyway i surely cant finish!

I shall prepare for the worst.

I must pass her the thing somehow. God pls aid me.

11:40pm
Erik

Wednesday, August 29, 2007 . 11:19 AM

It was raining for the whole day yesterday.. so cant go get my provisional licence . Maybe be going today...my heart is still raining..it wont stop till i see jessica, and nobody will know whether i see rainbow or get a storm.

Mei ah, yesterday night sms u so late becoze something happen, but it settled. Paiseh...

Had a chat with eric yesterday as i see him still online..since i cant reach hf.. had a chat ,ask him wat happen to jess friendster in my list.. i cant view her sort of thing.. but settled with just a click on the refresh button...i feel so relieve! I tot she deleted me in her friendster...thanks eric!
Pour my heart out to eric as it was full again...it get full easily~ eric tell me to remain calm , although jess only had replied 1 good nite msg since 12 of aug..sadded really hurt, felt treated worse like brian..

Miss u dear
Erik

11:30am

Monday, August 27, 2007 . 11:19 PM

Today is my last day at work, last lunch at Mega food court and last export !
Been a slow day. I will miss them!

As time draw nearer and nearer to 31st (Jess last day of exam) ... i start to think alot again, mostly is negative, strong feeling that she wont patch with me...what to do, i am like that! Fan Jian...Just sms Jess good nite, always hoping she will reply me! haizzz

Tomorrow will have to go bank to get my cash, follow buy thread to stitch my lyrics! Then i shall go Ubi to get my Provisional licence.

Shall sleep early tonight! Having a headache!
Miss u dear..
11:29pm
Erik

Sunday, August 26, 2007 . 1:30 PM

Today i be setting off to Si Ma lu Guan Yin Tang as i promised. As usual go there Pray for Jess'study and everyone health and safely. Follow i will go City hall , there a church . I will start my searching for my Xiang Si dou as it not enought to fill up the Love'jug. I think need to pick around 100++ ba..or maybe more! Hope it not raining! Need to find a suitable place after then, i shall stitch my lyrics! It now only at 4th LINE!!!! omg.. way behind time liao.

Tomorrow will be my last day at work! I will miss Zaidah, Lisa and michelle! It been a pleasure to work with Luke also. Thank you Shuttle! I know what i do most of you dun agreed. But if i dun , i know i will regret! I must aleast be able to answer to myself!

I shall stop here..time to get going!!!


2.00pm
Miss you Dear
Erik

Sunday, August 19, 2007 . 1:42 AM

I have to blog...my heart is very tired! Very very tired... Imagine having a fear you will lose someone, in my case already lose 50% already! it very tiring, i have been worrying and cant stop worrying,fearing we cant go back together...this week i have been crying everyday! There simply nothing i can do, helpless!
I have to listen to Huifen advice, i need to wait for her exam to finish! But all i fear is tat her feeling toward me will change!! but now i know i cant disturb her! She need to concentrate on her exam...i lost my appetite, my mood, tear falling out of sudden! BUT still i need to hang on,,because I LOVE her!!

Why do i have to lose her then realize how much i love her..can anyone tell me? is this human nature ? I hate myself!

Yesterday got to have a chat with Jess, was glad be able to hear her voice...but after our topic switch to exam date, she said why do i need to know ...my heart like poked a hole! But i have to sound normal..and the chat ended after few min.. when around 10 pm, she sms!! she said that our conversation on exam date is no meaning one... i was so happy just when i tot i got a chance another sms came in she said as A FRIEND i cant say like tat, very rude ma...My heart sank all the way down.............

This morning is a bad day, i am not myself.. i forgot to bring my pass when going to another place inside ..,i over shot my bus stop(dreaming away) , and in order need to go in i need a pass!
i then spend my 1 hr there just wait for the stupid pass my supervisor with black face bring for me! My life is already in a mess..now this! whole day nv tok to my supervisor much.. only on official stuff.. soon after i msn her i tendering my resignation on monday! she reply say i should think mature , dun let love disturb my career.. in my mind i already got the answer to answer her but i din... i simply cant continue with Jess not by my side! I had already told Jess b4 , i put her No1 in my life, no2 family then maybe friend and career 3rd.. ! I really got no mood to work and dun wish to stay in this line!

It a mess a mess a mess!! I think i going breakdown soon...my heart seem to be weak nowadays, can feel sharp pain ! maybe one day just heart attack and nobody know! It might be good for me..what i feeling now is so painful! so tiring..

It been almost 2 month le ba... nv see Jess! i miss her , her voice ,her touch , her hair, her smell, her hug ,her kisses !

Dear i am sorry! can you forgive me?? Give me 1 more chance pls? aleast the last ! i really cant bear to see it end..we din even have a reason to break! even the reason is you cant give me the attention i need.. but now is different!!! i am willing to give in without any in return!


There will have no one know what i feeling now..total regrets..for example, I use a knife and slash it on Jessica heart, then when i awake , then i realise i had hurt the girl i love most by my own hand...the feeling is devastating.

19/8/07
01:40am

This song shall accompany my sleepless night

雨(bonus track)作词:姜忆萱作曲:光良冷冷的空气湿红的眼眶里装满忧郁默默的聆听窗外这场大雨下个不停伞下还有你的痕迹勉强撑过这场雨我却没有更多勇气坚强过这一个雨季单薄的伞下那是多么孤寂听雨的声音像悲伤的歌曲滂沱大雨竟如此的孤寂我陪雨哭泣雨却还不肯停寂寞的人才懂雨的心情雨反覆唱著熟悉旋律用悲伤的心情听雨的声音仿佛谁在哭泣倾盆大雨淋湿我的爱情[我们爱情]雨模糊记忆我忘记了冷静是经历艰辛才能走到如今这漫长的路还有多少泥泞还没有晾乾的外衣闷在寂寞的房里面对明天沉重的心悬挂著伤感的水滴你我的爱似乎等不到天晴听雨的声音是难过的心情我的泪飘进冷冷的雨里雨何时才停伤何时能痊愈而我何时才能不再想你积雨的感情终究还是分离下著雨的天气爱消失的气息想念你的心情我淋著雨听雨的声音像悲伤的歌曲滂沱大雨竟如此的孤寂我陪雨哭泣雨却还不肯停寂寞的人才懂雨的心情雨反覆唱著熟悉旋律用悲伤的心情听雨的声音仿佛谁在哭泣倾盆大雨淋湿[我们爱情雨模糊记忆我忘记了冷静是经历艰辛才能走到如今这漫长的路还有多少泥泞

Thursday, August 16, 2007 . 11:20 AM

Today shall mark my saddest day in my life...

Yesterday night i hardly sleep, jessica is all over my mind, at abt 12 am i called her but she din answer, sms also din reply...should be asleep! Cant deliver wat i waana say...i am more awake...heart beat is running fast!

Today morning send her a sms, after then we agreed to chat... but chat abt alot of thing, but now can only recall abit...soon we ended our call, i believe i have push her for an answer not evening knowing...i am getting more lost and panic..never never feel like this before! Wonder if i did something wrong last life..had so much love barrier this life..haiz..!

The whole day i feel lost, not myself...my colleague must be worrying abt me..suddenly throught came into my mind wildly, like going to her house void deck to see her! Make a vom infront of God ... go to her mum and beg for cheng chuan, telling her mum how much i love her, explaining she is very important in my life! Promise that i can give her xin fu, althought not now but in future..or let a car hit me then i be ended in hospital and she will come visit me... or just die ba...

But still the most saddening thing is when huifen say that i am scaring her if i keep pushing her..my heart went down all the way...i am the one who say break off, i am now the one who is scaring the love of my life...
I am feeling so terrible , so upset..,and at last my heart is overloaded, i flood the bus with my tears.. i duno how am i going to work tomorrow..feel like tendering my letter if dear dun come back to me..there no meaning working already since the main reason is i work for her!

Awww...feel like ROM with her...haiz i also duno wat i typing le..


Saddest Erik